


End my own Agony, Delivered from Love

by DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose



Category: All Elite Wrestling
Genre: Adam has a serious drinking problem, And I was super hesitant to post it since it’s a little further than I usually go, Character Death, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hanahaki 2 : Electric Boogaloo, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I wrote FTR as the worst ever, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, It’s so freaking sad I don’t even know why I do this to myself, M/M, This one is actually really fucked up, Unrequited Love, but i like how it turned out, depressing ending, mentions of Kota Ibushi, this is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29022771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose
Summary: Kenny has done the impossible. He’s moved on from Kota Ibushi.He’s happy. He has a steady boyfriend, things are easy and perfect.That is, until he finds the golden-yellow petal.
Relationships: Dax Harwood | Scott Dawson/"Hangman" Adam Page/Cash Wheeler | Dash Wilder, Kenny Omega/"Hangman" Adam Page
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	End my own Agony, Delivered from Love

The first time is always the hardest. 

The first goodbye to someone you love. The first word you speak to a complete stranger. The first promise you make to a dear friend. The first 'I love you' shared with a new partner.

The first time is always harder than the second. A second goodbye never feels as heavy. Promises become common, and declarations of love lose all meaning within weeks.

Firsts are always the hardest part of everything, at least to Kenny. His relationship with Adam, and the nature of his subsequent condition are no different.

At first, Kenny had been scared and hesitant. Why did this have to happen to him again? Why did he fall in love again so soon after he had lost someone he loved? 

He had been, and still was, totally lovestruck. He wanted to drown in those violet-blue eyes, he knew that could kiss those blossom-pink lips until he was breathless and gasping, and he could die happy in the loving embrace of Adam's strong arms. 

Kenny loves him, truly adores him with everything in his body, all of his soul. With all that he is, all that he has, he is in love.

So why? Why, did something that was so beautiful and pure become so twisted and wrong?

He will never forget the night he confessed his love for Adam.

They had fought a war at revolution, and barely made it out alive. Kenny was broken by it all. He was betrayed by his brothers and left bruised and vulnerable. An inch away from going off the edge and falling into an abyss. One incident from becoming a shadow of himself.

Adam had been there for him, when he needed it most.

He had show him the warm, golden light of compassion once more. It had been so long since he had seen it's light and felt it's warmth Instead of laying with his back to him, instead of drinking himself into unconsciousness, he helped Kenny to bed.

In a way Kenny knew he didn't deserve, Adam had held him close to his chest, letting their legs tangle, letting the closeness bring him comfort. He whispered soft and gentle words, ones that dispelled the lies that Kenny had been sobbing out.

"I'm worthless, weak, and you all deserve better" He had sobbed out. Adam had taken his words and twisted and contorted them in the best possible way, and in a voice as gentle and sweet as honey, he comforted him. "You're worthy. You're strong. You're enough, and I'm proud of you."

Self-hate became adoration and reverence for the man holding him, and Kenny had held on a little bit tighter and whispered out those three words he was so terrified of. 

"I love you." 

Adam had kissed away all his tears, and told him that he loved him more than anything. That he was enough, that he wasn't weak, and that he believed that Kenny could do absolutely anything he set his mind to.

Kenny doesn't know when it all fell apart, he stopped being enough for Adam... but he does remember the last time he saw such love in Adam's eyes. He doesn't think he knows how to forget. If he could, he doesn't know if he would.

He could still clearly picture how Adam hugged him so tightly after the Stadium Stampede match. 

He could still feel the ghost of his embrace. He can still picture how his bright smile had been filled with barely restrained joy, how Adam had looked down at him with warmth and love in those hyacinth-blue eyes, and Kenny had pulled him into a kiss. The kind of kiss that doesn't stay just a kiss for long, the kind that conveys a sentiment which words could never do justice. 

He had always been affectionate with the rest of the Elite. Warm embraces and sharing beds was all part and parcel of life on the road. It wasn't abnormal to wake up in a tangled pile of limbs, all cuddled together. The Elite were brothers. Family. 

Deep kisses like this one, were a step too far.

Matt had laughed it off awkwardly, more to remind the boys that he was still there, and that further shenanigans were strictly prohibited.

Nick had known it was more than just a kiss to celebrate their victory. Though, his mind had unhelpfully supplied, that they would likely get to celebrating if they were not separated as soon as humanly possible.

Kenny had never seen that love in those eyes since, no matter how much he longed for it. 

He'd watched an angel fall, in slow motion. He'd reached out to him, begging him to take his hand. He'd tried to grab onto him, but he still plummeted into the admiral blue ocean, leaving only a single golden feather in his grasp. And now, here he was, on a lonely night in early August, cupping a single golden-yellow floret in his hands.

Maybe he was Icarus. Maybe the love had melted the wax, maybe he was the one who was truly falling. Or perhaps he was just delusional.

It was impossible to tell, when his wing was so clearly broken now.

He's sobbing as he clutches the flower to his chest. He knows what it means and he resents it. It's Hanahaki disease, and he knows this won't be the last flower he sees. 

Adam doesn't love him anymore.

He'd known it in his heart for some time. The downward spiral had created a rift between them. He spent most of his time with a drunk and bitter man that he didn't even recognise as his lover, just trying to support him through whatever it was he’s going through. The only kisses he had received in weeks were perfumed with the scent of liquor, and the taste of the alcohol Adam's tongue. 

He's not enough for him anymore. He's flown too close to the sun. 

The confirmation, especially in this form... it's pure devastation portrayed in its purest form. The floret itself, the very one he's clutching like it's a treasured memory, means "leave me". 

Not only has Adam fallen out of love with him, he appears to hate him. He wants him gone, wants him far, far away. He's in pieces, it's tearing him up.

But he knows, a heart that's broken is a heart that's been loved.

He tried to forget it, and for about a week, he was successful. Their match finished, and he tried to smile at Adam, but he was already gone, opening the door to the bar.

He feels the petals caressing his throat, and he starts to run to the nearest bathroom. His vision is blurred from the tears. He flings open the door, locking it behind him. He doesn't make it to the toilet before he's coughing and spluttering. He can feel the petals in his lungs, they're always there. Tearing him up from the inside out, abrading his lungs and clawing up his throat.

What had been one little flower just one week ago had become enough to fill his cupped hands. The golden petals are as small and frail as he feels. 

Golden. 

He'd let Adam change the meaning of that word for him. Was this the restitution he paid for trying to be happy without the man who turned all he touched into perfect golden? 

He feels so stupid and so used, and soon the flowers are spilling from his lips again. He sobs. Wondering, asking an unforgiving universe that he knows won't even answer him, when did he stop being enough?

He knows he isn't the Cleaner anymore, he knows he isn't the best bout machine. Had it been so foolish of him to think that he was enough without all of that?

He promises himself he'll be better. He'll work harder. He'll prove that he's worthy of love.

The coming week just grows worse, even though that doesn't feel possible. He's paler, thinner, and Adam is so distant from him. He's constantly breathless and in pain, trying to reach out for somebody who has fallen too far out of reach. 

He tries everything to win back his affection, comforting him when he's hungover, telling him how much he loves him, doing things he's been scared to do ever since he and Kota parted. He's desperate, desperate enough to completely debase himself, just to be loved. Just to escape from this hell that smells like an English garden. 

He gave him every last bit of himself, all the parts he'd been afraid to show. He had slept with him, hoping that maybe it would make Adam see just how much Kenny needs him. How desperate he was for it all to be alright again. 

After the first sleepless night they spent together, when Kenny gives him everything he had been frightened to give, Adam doesn't even return to their room the next night. 

Kenny waits for him for hours on end, but he never comes. Perhaps it's for the best. Maybe he won't miss Kenny. Maybe it'll wake him up, maybe when he's gone, everything will fix. Maybe he should just lay here and die with even the tiniest sliver of dignity.

There's more petals every day. The edges of a few are stained with blood, more and more as time passes. 

One day, Adam's still gone at 3 in the morning. Kenny is worried for him, so much so that he goes looking for him.

Where better to go than to the bar? 

He can still walk fine. Working out is hard, and the hotel stairs leave him breathless, but he knows that most in his position aren't usually as lucky.

As his eyes scan the room, he notices the beer and whiskey bottles that are lined up on the counter. He sees Dax Harwood, and Cash Wheeler, and he's about to ask if they've seen Adam, when he sees him.

He feels the roots of the plants curl deeper and deeper into his lungs at the sight. Gripping tighter, squeezing the life from him. This one image that will forever be burned into his retinas had accelerated the progression by several weeks, he can feel it. He can feel that horrible itch creeping it's way up his chest, he lets out a weak sound at the agony in his lungs as the roots tear at his lungs, just hooking deeper into him.

The man he loves more than anything, the man he knows he will die without, is kissing someone else. He's pinned to the wall, but he's still leaning into the kiss, and his hands had dropped below the waist of the man he's kissing.

It's not just anyone, either. It's Cash fucking Wheeler. The enemy. One of the men that had manipulated him and abused his trust. His breathing stutters, he's in shock. This can't be real.

He'll never forget the way Adam's lips were locked with Cash's. His heart dropped like it had fallen into an elevator shaft, and his mouth is open with disbelief. Adam barely acknowledges him, doesn't hold, kiss or touch him like he used to, but he does kiss Cash Wheeler on the mouth, practically jamming his tongue down his throat.

What is it about him that is so repulsive, that makes Adam hate him? Is he broken? What did he do to deserve this?

Dax roars with laughter at the pathetic look of on his face. "Oh boy, don't tell me you didn't know?" 

Kenny's skin crawls. He hates it, he wants to forget. He doesn't say a word. He just squeezes his eyes shut, digs his nails into his palms until they bleed, desperately trying not to cry.

"We've been fucking your little boyfriend since we got here. A good month. He's a good lay-" Dax continues, and Kenny doesn't stick around to hear anymore. He just starts running, even though his legs feel weak and useless. 

He stumbles down the hallway, trying his best to hold the flowers down. He can feel them scraping his lungs, and he lets out a gasp that could only be described as pitiful.

He's not even angry. He doesn't think he can find it in himself to be angry, all he can feel is grief as he gags and chokes on the remnants of his own despair. 

He knows Adam was so drunk he wasn't in control, he knows that this isn't his fault. It's just another layer in this sick mind game. He hates the psychological warfare. 

The petals are more scarlet than golden, now. His bloody hand leaves a trail on the hotel wall as he uses it to hold himself up. Even then, it proves useless, as he falls to his knees mere feet from their room door. 

He crawls, hacking up a few full blooms every few steps. He's sobbing, but they aren't normal tears.

He's crying petals, and its agony.

It's spreading, it's getting so much worse, and he doesn't know how much longer he can keep fighting the inevitable.

The hours pass in a blur of copper and hopelessness. At some point, the sun begins to rise, and he feels more human with sunlight on his skin. He cleans it all up, putting himself back together like he's arranging shattered glass. 

He falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow.

—

Adam finds the petals. Some golden-yellow, some crimson-red. He doesn't remember much of the last few nights. 

He recalls guilt and kissing someone that isn't Kenny. Kenny doesn't taste like beer. He recalls a room number that isnt theirs. He recalls his knuckles growing white as he gripped the bedsheets, and he remembers pretty slander and insults whispered in his ear. He remembers two names falling repeatedly from his lips. Even if he doesn't remember the names, he knows that neither of them are Kenny's. He knows he's fucked up.

The guilt resurfaces, as he followed the trail towards his room.

—

He doesn't speak to Adam for several days. He can't even look at him, not without choking. The next dynamite rolls around, and he has to face FTR.

It's not a match, it's a battle of a different kind. They're trying to get him to break, mentally. Wearing him down, piece by piece.

They look at him with smiles that chill his bones. He's slightly leant on the ropes. They know what he saw just 5 evenings ago, and he glares at them.

He choked the flowers back.

He lets them talk, blabbering on about something or other. He can see Hangman walking down to the ring to join them. 

He chokes, turning his head away. He clamps a hand over his mouth, trying to stop the petals from spilling out. He swallowed them back down, coughing into his elbow.

There's blood on his hand, and he knows from their laughter that FTR have noticed it. They mock and ridicule Adam, and Kenny lets it happen. He can't open his mouth without spilling his secret.

"The cowboy hero, come on, give him his welcome! Adam come on, we've been waiting! We've been waiting to hear from you. Tell him, tell him. Why don't you explain to him, explain to him who got in your head? Tell him what made you do the things you did!" 

Cash sends a smirk Kenny's way, and he tenses up. His chest heaves, but he coughs up the petals and flowers into his hand, and manages to stuff them in his pockets. There's thorned stems growing up his trachea now, and sometimes he coughs up nothing but thorns.

Two florets fall to the canvas, one ruby red and withered, the other beautiful golden, with a single red stain on one petal.

"Tell him what made you betray the Elite! Tell him, Tell him!" 

Kenny's ears ring. He feels like he's on the edge of collapse. The lights are too bright, they're burning his eyes. Dax’s voice echoes in his head, and he stumbles slightly.

"Because it wasn't us. It wasn't anybody! It was you." Dax finishes, turning to Kenny. He's still smiling. Kenny stares back, not daring to show any fear.

"You've known Adam Page for four or five years. I've known him his whole goddamn career. His whole career, he's been nothing more than an insecure little boy." 

Adam looks exhausted, almost as if he's slept as much as Kenny has. Which is to say not at all for the past 5 days.

"And that's the thing! You got in your own head, we did nothing!" Dax's eyes glint as he glanced at Kenny. "We didn't even have to try." 

He feels as if that statement is about an event other than Adam's actions towards the Bucks. That thought has him swallowing thorns again.

"Tell him Adam! Tell Kenny how we didn't even have to try, tell him how you only care about yourself, tell him how much of a piece of shit you are!"

Adam lunges at them, and Kenny grabs his shoulder. He shrugs it away, and Kenny moves from the ropes, feebly dragging him back. He shoved him, with no strength in his arms.

"Look at me." Kenny begs, but Adam avoids his eyes. "Look at me, Adam!" His voice is raw and desperate, and he has to gasp for breath every other word. He can barely walk, let alone wrestle. But Kenny's got fight in him, and he knows that if something happens to him... Adam will blame himself. 

"They're trying time get in your head again Don't listen to them, don't let them deceive you!" He yells, screaming it in Adam's face.

"You know what?" Cash says into his microphone. He's grinning, and it makes Kenny so uneasy. "I think Kenny already knows how much of a piece of shit you are."

Adam's eyes widen as he looks at Kenny. Holding his shoulders. Looking frail, as if he's not been eating or sleeping. He's white as a ghost.

"You knew?" Adam whispered. "Why didn't you-"

Kenny just looked down, and kept breathing through it. He changed the subject. "They're getting in your head, you need to calm down." 

Adam nodded, pacing the ring for a moment.  
After a few deep breaths looks behind him, holding out the title for Kenny to take, but he is already fleeing backstage to the nearest bathroom. 

He coughs and hacks, more blossoms dripping into his hands. They're more red than golden now, and his every breath is shallow and slight. The flowers and petals are dying, and the leaves aren't that green anymore. It's progressing into the last stage.

He knows than Matt and Nick have noticed something is up, even if they haven't seen much of him over the past few weeks. He needs to distance himself from them. He has to do something awful, so they won't be hurt after his inevitable end. 

It feels fitting that a flower so beautiful could mean something so bittersweet. It's a perfect allegory for how a relationship so beautiful had withered and grown so bitter. It's butterfly weed. The only meaning of those flowers is 'Leave me'.

Adam always pushes everything and everyone away. It's a fact that everyone knows, and yet it was still a total shock to Kenny. 

He weeps. After the first petal, he had gotten his affairs in order, in the event that he got himself into this situation.

"Kenny?" Adam slurs, through the door. "Are you alright?"

He's holding the petals in his hands, wondering what they mean. 

"Yeah." He wheezes out. "I'll catch up with you later." He promises. He hacks, spitting out thorns and leaves along with the flowers. He slumps against the wall, trying to get precious oxygen back into his lungs.

Even though he promised to catch up with Adam, he doesn't see him until All Out. 

—

"Do you trust me?"

Kenny didn't reply, but he didn't object either. He closed his eyes, as he stood on the ring apron, leaning heavily on the ropes. He'd be practically useless in the ring.

Adam starts off well, but then he tags Kenny in. Kenny stumbles to the centre, a wounded deer surrounded by a pack of wolves. He gives it everything he has left. He’s not a man who gives up easily.

He pushes up to his hands and knees and tries to crawl over to Adam. Cash kicks him in the ribs and he collapses. He can feel the petals coming, the silken flowers climbing his throat. He feels the thorns and leaves too, tearing and scratching. 

He can’t stop it this time. He’s not strong enough. He coughs up the plant matter, blood dripping from his lips. He can’t breathe, his vision is filling with black spots.

He hears Matt and Nick’s footsteps, then their frantic voices.

“Stop the Match!” 

The bell rings. His head is swimming as Matt and Nick carry him to the back. Every breath is an agonising struggle, with thorns and stems filling his throat, the bush trying to grow out of his lungs.

“Help me.” He gasped out. Thorns and stems are filling his throat, and he feels Adam grab his hand.

Matt looks terrified, and expresses it the only way he knows how to, through anger. “Who is it, Kenny? Who’s the bastard that did this to you? Is it Kota? I’m sure he can get a flight-“

Kenny smiles weakly. “No, no. It’s not him.” He said gently as he coughed. He pointed at Adam with a weak hand.

His eyes widened, “But thats not possible.... I love you!”

“You did, once.” Kenny’s eyes are brimming with tears. “It was long ago now.”

“Kenny, I-“

“Just don’t, Adam, okay?” He whispers. “Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. I can’t see you cry.”

Adam is crying though, and Kenny is choking on petals and thorns and his own blood. Matt is crying with him, and Nick is holding his brother, tears in his eyes too 

“I love you guys.” He whispered, kissing the back of Adam’s hand, leaving a smear of blood behind. A single poison kiss delivered gently.

Kenny closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I’m not even sure where this came from, it got way darker than I had intended to! But I guess that angst is my specialty and I hope you enjoy it.


End file.
